Matty’s Birthday Part II – Summer etes arrive!

Having found the missing granny and survived the rest of lunch time without further loss we prepared for the Toddler tea party. For those of you who don’t have children this is when your little son has his little friends around for tea, cakes, chocolate, crisps, party games and above all, total mayhem. A few highlights stand out. The ability of small children to transfer sand from a sandpit into their hair, nappies, dresses and your house has to be seen to be appreciated fully. The pass the parcel was not an outstanding success either. Apart from the fact that getting little kiddies to sit and play a game makes herding cats look like an easy pastime, the games master (oui c’est moi) managed to get the prizes the wrong way round and the 7 year old got the picture book for a toddler. The poor kid didn’t know what to do with either it or himself until a tactical swap saved the situation.

The piece de la resistance was of course the cake. A magnificent creation in the style of Noah’s Ark complete with pairs of animals made from icing sugar, and two candles stuck as funnels in the top. Matty face burst into a big smile at the sight of this and with only a little help blew the candles out. This ceremony was thankfully far less eventful than the last time I organised a birthday cake - for Paul Wood ( he was 44 recently) - which had left a few mental scars on all of us, but more on that later.

When the little kiddies had departed – we prepared for the big kiddies party. Undeterred by the frequent showers during the afternoon I decided, to hell with it, I was going to barbeque whatever the weather threw at me. For our evening soiree we had mum and dad of course but also Paul and Alison who sadly arrived just too late to make the toddler party (I had told them when it was finishing).

The last time Paul and Ali had joined us for a barbeque had been that infamous night of his 44th birthday and I think it is worth a little digression. As a surprise we had bought him a cake and decorated it with 44 candles, more than I had ever seen on a cake before ( yes: ok: now I know). We had a wonderful evening; the weather was fine and warm, the steak kebabs a triumph and the bottles of good Aussie Shiraz were smooth and velvety: it was time for the cake. Finding a pretext to get Alison and Ula into the house, I lit the candles and prepared to take the cake into the garden. Unfortunately at that moment Alison rushed over with the news that Paul was in the toilet; unfortunately at the same moment the candles decided to burn more as 1 unit than 44, and started generating a heat reminiscent of the Saturn V rockets that took NASA to the moon. I was told in no uncertain terms to get the cake outside before we burnt the kitchen down. Carrying the cake / blast furnace gingerly, I set it down with relief on the patio table from where it lit the garden and western areas of Milton Keynes.

Unfortunately we still had no birthday boy as he continued to meditate pensively on the khazi. In the meantime the three of us watched helplessly as the candles were consumed by the inferno. Paul emerged finally with a look of shock on his face, understandable for an inebriated man presented with a birthday cake that was, to all intents and purposes, on fire. He blew out the blaze manfully and we inspected the carnage.

What can I say? The birthday cake remained but the candles were gone like they had never existed. All that remained of them was a waxen mixture of charred chocolate and icing solidified into a lava like layer on the surface of the cake. Despite this Paul confidently proclaimed that it was fine (I said he was drunk) and that all it needed was the top 2 inches removed. Indeed despite our protestations he even took it home with him, I never asked if he ate it.

There were not such mishaps at this birthday barbeque and in fact miraculously the weather smiled kindly on my foolhardiness by delivering a beautiful summers evening. Matty tired out from his exciting day played in the garden with everyone for a while but finally succumbed to sleep. With good food, wine and company the six of us sat outside for hours, in fact Paul and I could not understand why the others finally wanted to go in, until it was pointed out that we were sat either side of the barbeque and therefore protected from the chilling evening air. We chatted long into the summer night, the perfect end to a hectic day; we even offered Paul some birthday cake….